Thursday, 2 July 2015

What To Do Before You Walk Up To Her (Chyking 202)

I've always had a theory about relationships. I don't know how it got ingrained in me since I was a teenager. Not that I had any experience but I just had it in me that whoever I'd marry would be from my circle of friends, not necessarily the ones at that moment. I rejected the idea of arranged marriages or recommendations. I just didn't see how true friendship could be birthed when both parties already knew the other's expectation of them. My belief was that I'd be friends with someone I must have met in a forum of common goal, maybe church group, class, workplace, or something, just a gathering close enough for me to have observed his character around people so that when he approaches me, I already know if he is the type I'd even consider. There are people that I know it's a no-no just by interacting with them or watching how they relate with others. Well, I might have modified that theory with experience over the years, but the basic principle remains that there must be a common ground by which friendship can be developed. It's always boring when I have to go on a date with someone I've never interacted with before or I don't know so well, just because someone close to me recommended me to him. When we sit to talk, it takes the form of a question and answer session. Since there was no common ground of meeting, we have really nothing to discuss save questions about my position in the family and the likes. It pisses me off 'cause I don't understand why they expect me to reveal personal information about myself on our first meeting. Consequently, I'm cold, irritated and angry at the person that made the recommendation.

I have however discovered that there are a lot of well-meaning chaps who have genuine interests in ladies but they don't just make it past the first stage of the interview. So I've decided to share a method that works pretty well with me. These are things you must do before you walk up to her.

1. If you don't have any common ground or shared experience with the woman you admire, find one before you approach her. For example, maybe you're in the same volunteer team or church, you can't just walk up to her 'cause she doesn't know you. If there's a smaller group in there that she belongs to, join it. Then walk up to her the next day? No. You have to establish your presence first. Be a committed member, get known while you're observing her behaviour around people. That way you get to even know her more before you make the approach. What if you find out that she is not as sweet as you thought she was? You'd have saved yourself some headache 'cause you've not approached her yet. 

2. Find out what she likes and see if you can get interested in that too. In this era of social networking, there's a high chance that you'll meet her on one of the social network platforms. So getting to know her interests will help you a lot. For example, you are browsing Facebook and you're on your friend's timeline. You see a picture of your friend and some ladies. One catches your eye. She's been tagged. So you decide to view her profile. You go through her timeline, she seems to be a godly girl +1, you're not so much about tribe and state of origin but she's from your state, another plus. You'd like to get to know her better so you send her a friend request. Now here's where a lot of well-meaning blokes get it wrong. She accepts their request and they send a 'hi' hoping to chat. When they don't get a reply after several attempts, they send a message saying 'I like you. I'd like to know you better'. Every lady like me will be turned off by that statement. You don't get to know people for who they really are by chatting on Facebook. Some even go further to drop their phone numbers and ask for hers. And they rave when she doesn't reply, even to the extent of cursing her and calling her a snob.

This is what you should do instead. While going through her timeline, (1) you should check to see if there's a common physical group you two belong to. Since you're meeting on Facebook, the probability of having a common group with her like church or so is slim, so (2) find out the kind of things she likes. For example, you see she has a blog. You'd be very unserious not to follow that blog and regularly comment on it. That's how you get your name registered in her mind so that when you finally communicate with her, you're not a total stranger. Okay, she doesn't have a blog, (3) follow her on Twitter and Instagram and regularly comment on new posts. Apart from getting your name registered, following her on these platforms will get you to know more about her person. You may just find out something about her that doesn't go down well with you and you will thank your God that you haven't made the move or you'll find that both of you share similar passions and interests. Ope o! These are the things that will form the bedrock of what you talk about when you finally start communicating and your dates won't be like interview sessions.

©Radiant~July 2015

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